1. |
Chasing Every Sunrise
03:36
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I like to walk the long way home in silence
To hear the dead leaves roll along the highway
Clicking like high heels on the concrete ground
Some kind of memory is trapped inside that sound
Chasing every sunrise
In the backseats of cars
Hold my body a little too tight
Till we’re the last ones in the bar
I wrote down the feelings
When we first met
Tried not to reveal them
But they came out in every word I said
Then out in the country
When I let my guard down
I could tell you were happy
But I also knew something else
That you had no home to go to
No place to call your own
Despite my reservations
I wanted you alone
I knew I loved you back then
Just like I loved everything
Loved losing all my sleep
Loved having no secrets to keep
Loved smiling just to smile
Loved holding hands down grocery aisles
I know you can’t erase my pain
But I still love everything about you
Chasing every sunrise
In the backseats of cars
Hold my body a little too tight
Till we’re the last ones in the bar
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2. |
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I’m sinking deeper into the habit again
I thought that I had been released
It’s getting hard to recognize myself
In all my distant memories
I’m on the road but this time I’m not going back
I won’t be so easy to reach
I live my life out on this lonely track
Guess that’s the way it has to be
If I get to heaven
Will I be free?
Let go of the past life haunting me
Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free
Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m fine
Then knock me back down to the present time
Trying to let go of this shit in my life
Set me free
If I get to heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
If I get to heaven
Will I be free?
Let go of the past life haunting me
Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free
Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m fine
Then knock me back down to the present time
Trying to let go of this shit in my life
Set me free
If I get to heaven (Sinking deeper)
If I get to heaven (In the habit)
Heaven (Reaching out so I can grab some)
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven (Sense of what my life is meaning)
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven (When I get it I’ll be free)
If I get to heaven
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3. |
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Fringe coat
Blue heels
Yeah, I got my hair done
I’m ready to tell the world you’re the one
Red eye
Alright
Half moon over Vegas tonight
When I’m with you I can fly
Maybe we’re just stoners
But I’d live this life over and over
Just to get the chance to hold your hand a thousand times
Standing at the steeple
Acting like a couple stupid people
Never thought I’d do something like this in my whole life
Getting married by Elvis tonight
You thought you had
Only been given one chance
Till the night I took you home
Swore on the ground
I’d get someone their second time around
And I guess I wasn’t wrong
Always joked about it
But secretly I never really doubted
We would be together for a very long, long time
And maybe it’s still scary
But I find myself not even caring
About all the things that may go wrong throughout our lives
Let’s get married by Elvis tonight
Always fought tradition
But when we met I had a premonition
We would be alone together walking down the aisle
Getting married by Elvis
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4. |
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On any day I won’t listen to my voicemails
You’ve heard me say
I don’t keep in touch well
But then again I’m not as far as you would think
Whenever you go out and have a couple drinks
Keep me in mind
I’m right there all the time
You wanna know where you can find me
Holding your hair in the backseat
Well imagine me I’m
Right here
On your shoulder
Right here
Right here
Oooo
Right here
On your shoulder
Right here
Right here
Oooo
Right here
On your shoulder
Well I can be
The devious bitch or the angel
Not hard to see
Just blur your eyes when you’re looking in a mirror
Missed every birthday four or five years in a row
And I don’t think it ever really feels better
No consolation but I hope you’ll always know
I’ll be here for you forever
You wanna know where you can find me
Isn’t somewhere you can see
But you know I’m always
Right here
On your shoulder
Right here
Right here
Oooo
Right here
On your shoulder
Right here
Right here
Oooo
Right here
On your shoulder
Well I’ve lived down the block
I’ve been over the sea
We’ve been through a lot
Carved our names in a tree
Not always around
But you can always find me
Right here on your shoulder
On your shoulder
Right here
Right here
Ooooo
Right here
On your shoulder
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5. |
I'm Not Dying
03:03
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Thought I could never get higher
But I haven’t looked to the sky in a long time
I threw my phone in the fire so I could see the world through both of my own eyes
And I’m overtired from trying to tuck in
And sing to my sad thoughts
I may seem depressed but
I’m actually not
Cuz you ain’t on my mind no more
I can tell you that for sure
Shut it down and closed that door
And I’m not lying
Remember when you went away
Thought I’d never be the same
Now I’m smiling every day
And I’m not dying
Crossing your name out from every journal
I’ve ever had in my possession
Was never quite myself when we were together
And every day since I’ve learned lessons
You’re so self-assured
I can’t fault anyone taking a chance letting you in
Took a minute to get here
Now I’m finally forgiving
Cuz you ain’t on my mind no more
I can tell you that for sure
Shut it down and closed that door
And I’m not lying
Remember when you went away
Thought I’d never be the same
Now I’m smiling every day
And I’m not dying
Oooo I’m not dying
Holy fuckin’ shit
I’m not dying
Cause you ain’t on my mind no more
I can tell you that for sure
Shut it down and close that door
And I’m not lying
Remember when you went away
Thought I’d never be the same
Now I’m smiling every day
And I’m not lying
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6. |
Marigold
01:47
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Sitting in the bleachers
Waiting for my time
Crushes on all the student teachers
Searching for that perfect line
I always wanted just to fit in, but couldn’t sit in
The role of what a woman should be
And when the girls came around in jerseys hard to play down
I was weak in the knees
Remember how I felt back then
Scared to tell any of my friends
Was it contextual?
Or am I bisexual?
Standing on a church pew
Screaming out to something
Never wanted to hurt you
And I can’t say all that shit meant nothing
I always knew I couldn’t live up, needed to give up
What they said I was called to be
And when you asked me to choose between god and you
It’s true I chose myself and me
Remember how I felt back then
Sometimes I still feel it again
I don’t really mind it
Still trying to find it
Used to lean on it like a crutch
Now I know I don’t know that much
I might be unsteady
But maybe I’m ready
Maybe I’m ready
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7. |
Butterfly
03:42
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Time floats like a butterfly
Stings like saltwater in my eyes
Hmmm
I used to recognize
That on one hand it could be so nice
And I felt alive
But now I need
To find me
A pardon
For somebody
Who never asked
If I’m being honest
With myself
Swore I felt you in the breeze
Now all I see are the leaves in the trees
It’s funny how you find relief
When I just wanted to be seen
Chipped my tooth at the swimming pool
Memorized the golden rule
Thought I’d show the world the light
Now something doesn’t sit quite right
And I need
To find me
More words to say I’m sorry
For all the times I pretended I was so holy
Time floats like a butterfly
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8. |
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There’s no use in cutting me loose yet
I beg you, don’t leave me behind
Some faces you must forget
But baby, please not mine
On a cold night
Feel like I’m out of my own skin
Or maybe just my mind
A skeleton
Some bones with nothing left inside
On a cold night
Don’t lock me out
I’m not dressed for it
I know you got more love
Just a little more
Made you stop the car
Got out while it was running
Followed me down the block
Still didn’t see it coming
Used to only fight like this if I knew I’d win
If time heals the wounds you tend to
Then right now what’s left?
On a cold night
Sometimes you draw back the curtains to let in just enough light
Feel it on my face
And I forget I’m frightened
Then you give me nothing
Lose all emotion
Forget the past
I leave a track of tears behind me
Stepping out on broken glass
Sometimes you draw back the curtains to let in just enough light
Feel it on my face
And I forget I’m frightened
Then you give me nothing
Lose all emotion
Forget the past
I leave a track of tears behind me
Stepping out on broken glass
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9. |
Crying
03:41
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Oh yeah I’ll be an island in the storm
Oh yeah and I don’t even cry no more
Used to wish I was see through
Yeah kids can be so cruel
But no one more than I
Knew how to make me cry
Now you call me fat like it hurts me
Well I’ve turned off my Google alerts see
Cuz what’s thicker than my thighs
Is the resolve inside
To never let you see me cry
Oh yeah
Well I don’t even cry no more
Oh yeah
Well I don’t even cry no more
I wore boxers to ballet
And was told from a young age
“You have to pick a side”
That always made me cry
Still searching for ways to define
To tend to a fire that’s all lit up inside
And if you doubt me that’s fine
Because I
Oh yeah
Well I don’t even cry no more
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Well I don’t even cry no more
Crying
Crying
Crying
I don’t cry no more
Crying
Crying
Crying
I don't cry no more
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10. |
Bleeding Heart
03:17
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The other day a friend of mine suggested
A couple numbers for some therapy
And I’ll admit at first I half-protested
And we all know
That shit’s
Not free
But someone’s been strumming my bleeding heartstrings
I used to pride myself on being tough
But it seems the more I open up about it
Can’t see myself
Giving you up
Giving you up
My best friends say I should cut you off
But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
Even if I could change, would it be enough?
And I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
I keep checking on your timeline
And yeah, I know that’s not my cutest trait
Should just stop asking ‘round if you’re fine
Cuz when I do, can’t get to sleep for days
Like there’s a part of me that needs to hold on
A part that doesn’t really wanna change
Cuz if I lost my sense of sadness
Would I grow up or fade away?
And now my therapist says
I should cut you off
But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
Even if I could change, would it be enough?
And I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
Think I have control, but I don’t wanna stop
I’ve thrown out my phone, but I can’t even stop
If I go it alone, don’t think I’ll make it stop
But I don’t wanna stop it
I don’t wanna stop it
And my best friends say
I should cut you off
But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
Even if I could change, would it be enough?
If I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
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11. |
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Facing another night alone
Picking up and humming to the dial tone
I know a way to relieve my tension
I can’t be late, might miss a connection
Seeing my future in my rhinestones
Waiting at the back of the line
Am I getting in tonight?
I’ve spent all this time
Trying to make it right
Trying to make it right
When all the lights come on
I don’t wanna be the only one
Just waiting at the back of the line
I can’t be the only one
Make it so dark, I only wanna see
The glittering strobe lights in front of me
In some secret moments
Wonder why I’m here
This plays on without me
Could I disappear?
But then again, where would I be?
Waiting at the back of the line
Am I getting in tonight?
I’ve spent all this time
Trying to make it right
Trying to make it right
When all the lights come on
I don’t wanna be the only one
Just waiting at the back of the line
I can’t be the only one
I can’t be the only one
Waiting at the back of the line
I can’t be the only one
I can’t be the only one
The only one
Waiting at the back of the line
Am I getting in tonight?
I’ve spent all this time
Trying to make it right
Trying to make it right
When all the lights come one
I don’t want to be the only one
Just waiting at the back of the line
I can’t be the only one
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12. |
NYE 2013
03:35
|
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13. |
||||
Days go by ooooo
Can't deny my love
Nights so long ooo
Pick up your phone
It's too quiet
Left me here at 3am
I lay awake past sunrise
Can't deny it
Don't want to be alone
And keep pretending i'm fine
Can I call you
Again tonight?
I just need to
Get it right
With you
Will you come back baby?
Cuz you know that I need your love
I've been wondering lately
If i'll ever be enough
This life is crazy
You don't have to be alone
Will you come back baby
Or at least pick up your phone
Pick up your phone
Pick up pick up pick up pick up
Is it science?
Two people meet by chance
And fall in love completely
Wish we could try it
If I go halfway
Will you come out to meet me?
Can I call you
Again tonight?
I just need to
Get it right
With you
Will you come back baby?
Cuz you know that I need your love
I've been wondering lately
If i'll ever be enough
This life is crazy
You don't have to be alone
Will you come back baby
Or at least pick up your phone
Or at least pick up your phone
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14. |
Heaven (Live Acoustic)
04:17
|
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I'm sinking deeper into the habit again
I thought that I had been released
It's getting hard to recognize myself
In all my distant memories
I'm on the road, but this time I'm not going back
I won't be so easy to reach
I live my life out on this lonely track
Guess that's the way it has to be
If I get to heaven
Will I be free?
Let go of the past life haunting me
Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free
Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm fine
Then knock me back down to the present time
Trying to let go of this shit in my life
Set me free
If I get to heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven
If I get to heaven
If I get to heaven
Will I be free?
Let go of the past life haunting me
Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free
Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm fine
Then knock me back down to the present time
Trying to let go of this shit in my life
Set me free
If I get to heaven (Sinking deeper)
If I get to heaven (In the habit)
Heaven (Reaching out so I can grab some)
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven (Sense of what my life is meaning)
Heaven
If I get to heaven
Heaven (When I get it I'll be free)
If I get to heaven
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Begonia Winnipeg, Manitoba
As Begonia, Alexa Dirks has blossomed into an indie pop powerhouse who feels like music’s best-kept secret to her
fans.
New album Powder Blue is out Feb 24 on Birthday Cake Records.
Begonia has been nominated for a JUNO Award and longlisted for The Polaris Music Prize. Her music has been on numerous Netflix & Oprah Winfrey Network, and NPR named Begonia as one of 10 Artists You Need to Know.
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