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Powder Blue

by Begonia

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    A limited first run of Begonia's album Powder Blue on Iridescent White Ripple Blue vinyl

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1.
I like to walk the long way home in silence To hear the dead leaves roll along the highway Clicking like high heels on the concrete ground Some kind of memory is trapped inside that sound Chasing every sunrise In the backseats of cars Hold my body a little too tight Till we’re the last ones in the bar I wrote down the feelings When we first met Tried not to reveal them But they came out in every word I said Then out in the country When I let my guard down I could tell you were happy But I also knew something else That you had no home to go to No place to call your own Despite my reservations I wanted you alone I knew I loved you back then Just like I loved everything Loved losing all my sleep Loved having no secrets to keep Loved smiling just to smile Loved holding hands down grocery aisles I know you can’t erase my pain But I still love everything about you Chasing every sunrise In the backseats of cars Hold my body a little too tight Till we’re the last ones in the bar
2.
Heaven 03:57 video
I’m sinking deeper into the habit again I thought that I had been released It’s getting hard to recognize myself In all my distant memories I’m on the road but this time I’m not going back I won’t be so easy to reach I live my life out on this lonely track Guess that’s the way it has to be If I get to heaven Will I be free? Let go of the past life haunting me Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m fine Then knock me back down to the present time Trying to let go of this shit in my life Set me free If I get to heaven If I get to heaven Heaven Heaven If I get to heaven Heaven Heaven If I get to heaven Heaven If I get to heaven If I get to heaven Will I be free? Let go of the past life haunting me Get down with the angels, I wanna be set free Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m fine Then knock me back down to the present time Trying to let go of this shit in my life Set me free If I get to heaven (Sinking deeper) If I get to heaven (In the habit) Heaven (Reaching out so I can grab some) Heaven If I get to heaven Heaven (Sense of what my life is meaning) Heaven If I get to heaven Heaven (When I get it I’ll be free) If I get to heaven
3.
Fringe coat Blue heels Yeah, I got my hair done I’m ready to tell the world you’re the one Red eye Alright Half moon over Vegas tonight When I’m with you I can fly Maybe we’re just stoners But I’d live this life over and over Just to get the chance to hold your hand a thousand times Standing at the steeple Acting like a couple stupid people Never thought I’d do something like this in my whole life Getting married by Elvis tonight You thought you had Only been given one chance Till the night I took you home Swore on the ground I’d get someone their second time around And I guess I wasn’t wrong Always joked about it But secretly I never really doubted We would be together for a very long, long time And maybe it’s still scary But I find myself not even caring About all the things that may go wrong throughout our lives Let’s get married by Elvis tonight Always fought tradition But when we met I had a premonition We would be alone together walking down the aisle Getting married by Elvis
4.
On any day I won’t listen to my voicemails You’ve heard me say I don’t keep in touch well But then again I’m not as far as you would think Whenever you go out and have a couple drinks Keep me in mind I’m right there all the time You wanna know where you can find me Holding your hair in the backseat Well imagine me I’m Right here On your shoulder Right here Right here Oooo Right here On your shoulder Right here Right here Oooo Right here On your shoulder Well I can be The devious bitch or the angel Not hard to see Just blur your eyes when you’re looking in a mirror Missed every birthday four or five years in a row And I don’t think it ever really feels better No consolation but I hope you’ll always know I’ll be here for you forever You wanna know where you can find me Isn’t somewhere you can see But you know I’m always Right here On your shoulder Right here Right here Oooo Right here On your shoulder Right here Right here Oooo Right here On your shoulder Well I’ve lived down the block I’ve been over the sea We’ve been through a lot Carved our names in a tree Not always around But you can always find me Right here on your shoulder On your shoulder Right here Right here Ooooo Right here On your shoulder
5.
Thought I could never get higher But I haven’t looked to the sky in a long time I threw my phone in the fire so I could see the world through both of my own eyes And I’m overtired from trying to tuck in And sing to my sad thoughts I may seem depressed but I’m actually not Cuz you ain’t on my mind no more I can tell you that for sure Shut it down and closed that door And I’m not lying Remember when you went away Thought I’d never be the same Now I’m smiling every day And I’m not dying Crossing your name out from every journal I’ve ever had in my possession Was never quite myself when we were together And every day since I’ve learned lessons You’re so self-assured I can’t fault anyone taking a chance letting you in Took a minute to get here Now I’m finally forgiving Cuz you ain’t on my mind no more I can tell you that for sure Shut it down and closed that door And I’m not lying Remember when you went away Thought I’d never be the same Now I’m smiling every day And I’m not dying Oooo I’m not dying Holy fuckin’ shit I’m not dying Cause you ain’t on my mind no more I can tell you that for sure Shut it down and close that door And I’m not lying Remember when you went away Thought I’d never be the same Now I’m smiling every day And I’m not lying
6.
Marigold 01:47
Sitting in the bleachers Waiting for my time Crushes on all the student teachers Searching for that perfect line I always wanted just to fit in, but couldn’t sit in The role of what a woman should be And when the girls came around in jerseys hard to play down I was weak in the knees Remember how I felt back then Scared to tell any of my friends Was it contextual? Or am I bisexual? Standing on a church pew Screaming out to something Never wanted to hurt you And I can’t say all that shit meant nothing I always knew I couldn’t live up, needed to give up What they said I was called to be And when you asked me to choose between god and you It’s true I chose myself and me Remember how I felt back then Sometimes I still feel it again I don’t really mind it Still trying to find it Used to lean on it like a crutch Now I know I don’t know that much I might be unsteady But maybe I’m ready Maybe I’m ready
7.
Butterfly 03:42
Time floats like a butterfly Stings like saltwater in my eyes Hmmm I used to recognize That on one hand it could be so nice And I felt alive But now I need To find me A pardon For somebody Who never asked If I’m being honest With myself Swore I felt you in the breeze Now all I see are the leaves in the trees It’s funny how you find relief When I just wanted to be seen Chipped my tooth at the swimming pool Memorized the golden rule Thought I’d show the world the light Now something doesn’t sit quite right And I need To find me More words to say I’m sorry For all the times I pretended I was so holy Time floats like a butterfly
8.
There’s no use in cutting me loose yet I beg you, don’t leave me behind Some faces you must forget But baby, please not mine On a cold night Feel like I’m out of my own skin Or maybe just my mind A skeleton Some bones with nothing left inside On a cold night Don’t lock me out I’m not dressed for it I know you got more love Just a little more Made you stop the car Got out while it was running Followed me down the block Still didn’t see it coming Used to only fight like this if I knew I’d win If time heals the wounds you tend to Then right now what’s left? On a cold night Sometimes you draw back the curtains to let in just enough light Feel it on my face And I forget I’m frightened Then you give me nothing Lose all emotion Forget the past I leave a track of tears behind me Stepping out on broken glass Sometimes you draw back the curtains to let in just enough light Feel it on my face And I forget I’m frightened Then you give me nothing Lose all emotion Forget the past I leave a track of tears behind me Stepping out on broken glass
9.
Crying 03:41
Oh yeah I’ll be an island in the storm Oh yeah and I don’t even cry no more Used to wish I was see through Yeah kids can be so cruel But no one more than I Knew how to make me cry Now you call me fat like it hurts me Well I’ve turned off my Google alerts see Cuz what’s thicker than my thighs Is the resolve inside To never let you see me cry Oh yeah Well I don’t even cry no more Oh yeah Well I don’t even cry no more I wore boxers to ballet And was told from a young age “You have to pick a side” That always made me cry Still searching for ways to define To tend to a fire that’s all lit up inside And if you doubt me that’s fine Because I Oh yeah Well I don’t even cry no more Oh yeah yeah yeah Well I don’t even cry no more Crying Crying Crying I don’t cry no more Crying Crying Crying I don't cry no more
10.
The other day a friend of mine suggested A couple numbers for some therapy And I’ll admit at first I half-protested And we all know That shit’s Not free But someone’s been strumming my bleeding heartstrings I used to pride myself on being tough But it seems the more I open up about it Can’t see myself Giving you up Giving you up My best friends say I should cut you off But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart Even if I could change, would it be enough? And I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart I keep checking on your timeline And yeah, I know that’s not my cutest trait Should just stop asking ‘round if you’re fine Cuz when I do, can’t get to sleep for days Like there’s a part of me that needs to hold on A part that doesn’t really wanna change Cuz if I lost my sense of sadness Would I grow up or fade away? And now my therapist says I should cut you off But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart Even if I could change, would it be enough? And I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart Think I have control, but I don’t wanna stop I’ve thrown out my phone, but I can’t even stop If I go it alone, don’t think I’ll make it stop But I don’t wanna stop it I don’t wanna stop it And my best friends say I should cut you off But I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart Even if I could change, would it be enough? If I don’t wanna stop, no, my bleeding heart
11.
Facing another night alone Picking up and humming to the dial tone I know a way to relieve my tension I can’t be late, might miss a connection Seeing my future in my rhinestones Waiting at the back of the line Am I getting in tonight? I’ve spent all this time Trying to make it right Trying to make it right When all the lights come on I don’t wanna be the only one Just waiting at the back of the line I can’t be the only one Make it so dark, I only wanna see The glittering strobe lights in front of me In some secret moments Wonder why I’m here This plays on without me Could I disappear? But then again, where would I be? Waiting at the back of the line Am I getting in tonight? I’ve spent all this time Trying to make it right Trying to make it right When all the lights come on I don’t wanna be the only one Just waiting at the back of the line I can’t be the only one I can’t be the only one Waiting at the back of the line I can’t be the only one I can’t be the only one The only one Waiting at the back of the line Am I getting in tonight? I’ve spent all this time Trying to make it right Trying to make it right When all the lights come one I don’t want to be the only one Just waiting at the back of the line I can’t be the only one
12.
NYE 2013 03:35

credits

released February 24, 2023

Begonia is Alexa Dirks

All songs written, produced, and performed by Matt Peters, Matthew Schellenberg, and Alexa Dirks
Track 4 written and performed by Matt Peters, Matthew Schellenberg, Alexa Dirks, and Marcus Paquin
Engineered by Matt Peters and Matthew Schellenberg
All lyrics by Alexa Dirks

All live drums performed by Michael Jordan
Bass on track 10 by Julian Bradford
Violin on tracks 1, 2, 3, 7, 8 and 12 by Chris Antsey
Violin on track 8 by Susan McCallum
Cello on tracks 1, 7, 8 and 12 by Natalie Dawe
Cello on tracks 1 and 8 by Alyssa Ramsay
French Horn on tracks 1 and 7 by Todd Martin
Oboe on track 7 by Beverly Wang
Bari Sax on track 4 by Kyle Wedlake
Trombone on track 4 by Jeffrey Acosta

Recorded at Private Ear Recording, Herdsmen House, The Shithole II and all of our respective houses/apartments
Set up/engineering support by John Paul Peters (Private Ear Recording)
Mixed by Jason Agel
Mastered by Joe LaPorta (Sterling Sound)

Album design and layout by Jadyn Klassen

Original photos by Calvin Lee Joseph
Set design by Seth Woodyard
Makeup by Rachel Lynne Jones
Hair by Kitty Bernes

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Begonia Winnipeg, Manitoba

As Begonia, Alexa Dirks has blossomed into an indie pop powerhouse who feels like music’s best-kept secret to her fans.

New album Powder Blue is out Feb 24 on Birthday Cake Records.

Begonia has been nominated for a JUNO Award and longlisted for The Polaris Music Prize. Her music has been on numerous Netflix & Oprah Winfrey Network, and NPR named Begonia as one of 10 Artists You Need to Know.
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